Kay – Real Nice

So Kay and I had dinner last night and chatted a good bit.  She was definitely having a lot of mixed emotions regarding our situation.  A couple of the things we covered:

*She has previously dated guys who were assholes or rough around the edges and she would change her plans at a moment’s notice for them and since I’ve been asking her to do things with relatively short notice she’s not been able to change her plans and it frustrates her.  She has since switched to not breaking plans with her friends (good I think).  This coupled with:

*Generally the lack of hardly any time together or quality time together has left her feeling like she’s letting me down.  She is normally very caring and giving (just not all the time like before) and she feels like she hasn’t been able to do that with me much at all and she feels shitty about it.

* She’s not sure what she wants.  She is fairly recently done with dating a guy (just prior to me) that was never defined and pretty low investment and while it was convenient it wasn’t really good for her.  She feels like when we hang out especially around her friends it’s like they all see us as already together and we act like that.  It’s like we skipped the dating phase almost.

* She’s totally stressed out from her living situation being tenuous and multiple people quitting at her work so she’s way overloaded plus her job is too strenuous in the first place even prior to that.  She’s very overwhelmed and exhausted most of the time.

* She drives a ton for her work (all over most days) and when we’d hang out down my way I’d just ask her to pick me up since parking is so bad on the nice summer weekends that I won’t find a spot if I leave in my car.  This was wearing on her and I didn’t even realize it.

* She’s having a hard time reconciling how seemingly “nice” or “affectionate” I am versus who she’s dated in the past.  I explained to her in depth that I’m generous with the people that are my close friends and that I understand what kind of person she is, that I’m not worried about who she is, which is why I am affectionate towards her (just like any other girl I date and get to know well).  I’m not hung up on her, but that I AM attracted to her and I know what kind of person she is so I have no problem taking care of her when she needs it because I know she appreciates it and reciprocates.

* There was a major turning point in the conversation where for a bit there it seemed like she was not wanting to continue dating or that she just didn’t know, but then we progressed to the point where I realized that she was being insecure in a lot of ways and really having a hard time with all the exhaustion/stress and felt like she wasn’t worthy of my dating her especially the last month or so.  Once I realized this, I was in the middle of talking to her and just scooped her up and set her on my lap.  She made a self-deprecating joke about me having a hard time lifting her (she hasn’t hit the gym in the last couple of weeks, more of her being self-conscious/stressed/slammed busy) and I stopped her right there mid-sentence.

I got really serious and told her that I liked her humor and I can definitely appreciate some self-deprecating humor but that this instance was not okay.  I’m not okay with her being that hard on herself, that it was very unattractive for her to do so, that I am attracted to her and I absolutely support her getting to the gym and getting in even better shape, but that I’m not cool with her saying shit like that because it turns me off.   After this she was very demure and relaxed and we had some good conversation.  She may come dancing with me and a girl friend and my client’s buddies/girls tomorrow.  Either way I’ll plan a real date for next week/weekend culminating with her place or mine because now I really want to tear it up.

Haven’t been able to lock down a hangout with the 19 year old but I’m going to try to catch up with her this weekend or this coming week as she’s pretty busy over the weekend.  Definitely going to tear that up soon, then Maria should be available again either tonight if Kay doesn’t join up or some other time this weekend.  Ayla still wants to get together I’m sure.  I should hit her up again.

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~ by aneroidocean on 06/07/2013.

3 Responses to “Kay – Real Nice”

  1. Nice work. Seems like she had legitimate concerns that you alleviated and gave her a break from the world.

    How long have you two been seeing each other? Seems similar to what I see many posting on the ‘3 month commitment’ approach women take.

  2. […] told her I had a date and that I’d be home after that, possibly late.  You can read about my date with Kay here.  I told her if she was around then we could do a quick massage […]

  3. Interesting.

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