Hair

I’m not really a hairy guy even now.  I was a real late bloomer.  In high school I had zero hair (except for a few random pubes and a couple underarm hairs pretending to be real man hair).  By the time I graduated I was slowly getting more hair, but my pubes, underarms, and legs/arms weren’t truly hairy until the end of high school and beyond.  I cringe a little, remembering girls in my high school that were in my class, even some that I was attracted to saying, “I wish I had legs like you, AO, because then I wouldn’t have to shave them!”

Can you imagine being told this buy a girl you had a huge crush on?  No?  Good, because I had it as my reality for a long time.  No big deal now, but it definitely sucked then.

If you’re a really hairy guy, go visit Roosh and I’m sure you’ll find some comfort in knowing that really hairy guys can get laid around the world and no, women won’t think that you’re a terrorist (at least not for the hair).

As I had girlfriends late in my teens/early 20s and then I finally started you know, actually interacting with girls and asking for their numbers and asking them out (first two relationships I fell into through friends), I ended up slowly realizing that instead of shaving what I considered (still do) to be pretty sparse facial hair I should be letting it grow and just trimming it up from time to time.

I’m no Krauser or his likeness Jason Statham, but I realized that even if you don’t have the most dense facial hair and even if it grows in weird patterns (I’ve had a crazy girl refer to the way my hair grows in a swirl on one side of my face as it looking like “Starry Night” by Van Gogh), that women by and large like a little scruff.  Sure there are girls that like a guy clean shaven almost all the time, but if you look half decent with the scruff, more women will be attracted to you than turned off.

My hair doesn’t even connect from my mustache to the hair around my jaw.  I always thought it was a little pathetic, but as I grow older, I’ve embraced the longer facial hair.  I trim under my jawline and neck (so I don’t have a neckbeard) and create a clean line on the top-side.  Doing this takes way less time than a full shave and it makes my facial hair look much sharper.  I also take some very sharp, short, curved scissors that I think are for cutting cuticles (found em at CVS or something) and trim the mustache hair off my upper lip.  Almost no ladies want to see your hair covering your actual lips, gentlemen.

Coupled with the blessing of my thick dark brown hair on top of my head, this looks pretty good.  When I cut my hair short, I shorten up the facial hair.  This calibration of lengths is good for most people’s styles/looks.  When my hair is almost too long to style the way I normally do, I let the facial hair get over a half inch long before I cut it .  Since my facial hair isn’t that dense, you can’t really tell until you’re really close that it’s long.  In fact, I get some of my BEST compliments when my facial hair is longer than I think is attractive.

What about kissing girls or going down on them?  Well, first of all, who goes down on girls?  Not I.  Fuck that, it makes you a homo!  I’m fortunate in that at the length I normally keep my hair and because it’s not as dense, it tends to be softer and less brillo-pad-esque so I’ve actually got almost zero complaints from the girls I’ve dated, even when my facial hair is damn long (not lumberjack style, but headed there).  Your mileage may vary, but I was surprised.

Finally, get yourselves some beard wax.  WHAT you say?  No, really, get some beard wax.  I’ve stopped using aftershave or any kind of lotion after I shave and switched exclusively to beard wax.  I’ll update this post with the exact kind I’ve been using, but it goes on like a deoderant stick and does a good job soothing the skin you just shaved, smoothing out the remaining beard, and leaving you smelling awesome and manly.

UPDATE: Craig’s Beard and Stache Butter Wax Conditioner.  I use the Frankincense and Myrrh scent, which is awesome and manly. I’ve had nothing but positive responses from girls smelling this stuff. Applying it lightly is key, and working it through the hair.  See picture below:

Buy it here (I don’t get anything from this link, I just like it that much): http://www.etsy.com/listing/34803501/craigs-beard-and-stache-butter-wax

Now, many guys will go on and on saying that shaving your balls, or any other form of cleaning up your crotch area is not manly.  Well, not only do I trim my pubes with the same set of clippers I use to trim my beard (oh yeah!), but I do it all the way down to a #1 guard (which is pretty short).  When I feel like it, I also shave my balls.  Why, you ask?  Well, for starters if I expect a girl to be heavily trimmed/maintained or complete shaved (preferred), I think that doing some trimming myself is definitely reasonable.  Besides, you get the added benefits of running cooler and staying fresher longer.  I don’t know how my junk could get any more awesome looking, but some say it makes your wang look better/longer so there’s that.

Finally, what else do I trim?  I pluck the few hairs that grow between my eyebrows and *shocker* I’ve let a girl (gf or otherwise) pluck my eyebrows lightly for shape.  The girl usually wants to take a lot of hairs out, but I make them do it pretty lightly because men don’t really look masculine with thin eyebrows.  Not something I would ever do myself or pay for, but I figure there are some men that would really benefit from this.  Luckily any stray hairs trying to form a unibrow are easily dispatched.

One thing a lot of you guys miss, is nose hairs.  I can’t tell you how many guys I see with fucking nose hairs sticking out.  A nose hair trimmer is so cheap and easy to use that none of you guys have any excuse.  Seriously, who wants to see nose hairs sticking out of your nose?  I don’t even like seeing them in the mirror.  GET RID OF THEM.  Pro-tip, after you’ve used the nose hair trimmer, push your nose around in a couple different directions to make sure that there aren’t any sneaky hairs hiding.

BONUS: I trim my armpit hair with that same set of clippers ($20-$30 bucks at Walmart for a name brand Wahl or something is a great investment).  A decent set of clippers will probably last you a decade or three if you take care of them (dead simple cleaning/oiling process).  I use a #1 guard on my armpits.  It’s initially a hair short (pun intended), but it grows in pretty quick.  The advantage again of cutting this hair short (like the pubic hair) is that you stay cooler, you use much less deoderant, AND you stay fresher longer.  What’s not to love?  I’ve never had a single girl complain since I leave a little hair there, enough to look manly still.

So thair.  [AQ: Really?  Wow, must’ve been drunk when I finished this post]

~ by aneroidocean on 09/07/2012.